“Alas! the day is waning, evening shadows lengthen”

“ever before me are wounds and blows”

“Pass your hand, like a vintager, repeatedly over the tendrils.”


+++++


Across this mounting silence, so many times I've begun TCB entries only to leave them abruptly, fully intending to return shortly, then learning I could not. In the end, they all remain unfinished. After enough time passes, I deem their content unsuitable as-is and yet find I am incapable of finishing them: They are too painful to re-read. And so I don't. I keep them, little reminders of Our growing burden reflected (as always) in The To-You Unsaid. Yet, I see I have still not given up hope

(that at some undefined future moment I will miraculously find myself infused with those [ amputated ] parts of myself [ that, at a much deeper level, I know I never will —missing Your infusion ] which will enable me to, “Wrap it up, soon, will you, Darling? They won't be able to strike the set 'til after we've gone for eggs at Johnnie's,” thrown away basso over that eternally perfect shoulder as I exit Stage Right with a flourish of Your lavender boa, pretending backstage that I do not know the sections our Author never distributed for Director-notes, and again succeeding much to my dismay [ “O, Lord” ], as I click my way down another flight of chipped stairs and hold onto my throat just long enough to grab the first unlocked doorknob on my left.)

●

Except this time I swore I would not leave.


+++++


Say not, “I am too young.”
To whomever I send you, you shall go;
whatever I command you, you shall speak.
Have no fear before them, because I am with you to deliver you [ ... ]
See, I place my words in your mouth!


+++++


The Goat was not joking when he inscrutably implied that this Way there exists Weight. (—Especially if you Weigh your Wait. I do not recommend that you ever do THAT. But, of course, nobody WOULD, if they had any choice in the matter. We all KNOW that, of course. Don't we?)


+++++


I promised to write this to you before taking a nap. You see, I have been shot out of a cannon every morning at 3:30 AM sharp (or very thereabouts) for a time now, regardless when I fall alseep the night before. It can add up over time.




“What about all the things I've started to say but never can bear to finish?”

(They won't matter so much, if you just do this. Please?)

“But with all that left undone, what in the world can I possibly say at this point?”

(That won't matter at all, if you just do this. They are barely hanging on now.)

“But I'VE been told to wait on THEM! How can this be? Surely I misunderstand you today?”

(Everybody always waits for the other person to do What he knows needs done [ for Whom ]. Nobody who is truly equipped ever believes he is qualified and, of those, most everybody believes Who exists beyond all human need —a neat little trap they ALWAYS jump into with no encouragement. You, too, from time to time...)

“Yes, but that doesn't explain...”

(...Then there is that little matter of obeisance to the Marketing people. They've finally gotten everybody to pre-purchase their special container which, of course, is designed to not-fit My styrofoam inserts which —by the same token— I've constructed to collapse the moment you try to squeeze them into that thing. Then you have to carefully pull them back upright before you can use them at all, but humans don't seem to learn that simple twist and, instead, leave them lying there useless on the ground while they pace back and forth weeping that “it has happened again”. Don't forget what happened to the Albigensians, because everyone of them has. They have even forgotten what their heroes immediately then did, just as they have forgotten how I brought that whole mess to a halt. In fact, to this day they have never even made the connection! Even so, those Actuaries are now more powerful than ever [ as you have been carping about ], although there still remains open a small crack [ in that Window you are watching slide shut with the eyes I rammed into the back of your head ] where you came In. You already know that this time I won't be using glaciers in the same way. Look, I'm done talking about it this morning. Just do it. Now.)


+++++


Be not crushed on their account, as though I would leave you crushed before them;
For it is I this day who have made you a fortified city,
A pillar of iron, a wall of brass [ ... ]
They will fight against you, but not prevail over you, for I am with you to deliver you


+++++


You are bleeding under the skull and don't even know it. Most of the time.

You, on the other hand, are working hard to harden the arteries of your neck, but you have convinced yourself it is the strong thing to do right now, and have no idea what you are doing to your mouth in the process.

And you? You have forgotten that if you do not intercede for me, at every single opportunity, I will vaporize. (It's only a matter of time.) And that I have no say in that mechanism —we all play only the hand we are given.




I have so much love for you (ALL of you) that I sometimes think it will kill me (tho I no longer know what that means), but have been held back from expressing it while he waits for you to [ whatever-it-is-he-has-explained ]. What that “Whatever” is will be different for each of you [ keeping in mind —which you may not yet have even realized once?— that you must PUT TOGETHER all these disparate parts, because by itself not one of them will truly function ]. None of us can hold more than what is our own, and yet we MUST make use of it all.

Don't forget about that, if you find yourself tempted to sit back and admire what you've found under your pillow lately: THAT, my friends, is one of the pits dug just for you to fall into.


+++++


That's about the best I can do today. I can't think of anything else to say while he holds my tongue stuck to my palate.


+++++


Just as I typed the above paragraph, a wind surged into my open window, flinging the pages of an open book to a different page. Then it left, just like that. I picked up the book. Here is some of what I read (quotation marks used below exactly as printed):

===

1.
I raised up watchmen for them: Hearken [ ... ]
they said, “We will not hearken.”

2.
O daughter of my people [ ... ]
Mourn as for an only child with bitter wailing

3.
A tester among my people I have appointed you

4.
In vain has the smelter refined [ ... ]
“Silver rejected” they shall be called

===

(And so I typed that here for you, also.)

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